I have a SURGEON (?)

FYI - I can't seem to get the time stamp for this blog site to hold on to my changes.  Regardless of what the time stamp on the blog says, this was posted on January 20, 2017.

Now things have progressed to the point where I can say "I have a surgeon".   Kind of like saying "I have a Prius" only way more ominous.

My last post ended with my waiting for the Nurse Navigator to get me set up with a surgeon.  She did.  I went in for an initial consult with Dr. Smith (his actual name) on January 10th.  He and his office staff made me feel comfortable and got me scheduled for an MRI.  Then... I was given ANOTHER pink bag.      Hasn't the world, or at least the US got enough tote bags by now?  Haven't we reached the saturation point?  It was a pink bag.....Enough about bags...

The MRI was needed to determine the size of the mass so the extent / type of surgery could be decided upon.  I went in for the MRI - fasting!!! on Jan. 16th.  I had to be fasting because I needed to be face down for this MRI.  No puking in the MRI tube allowed.  Loud thumping, humming and banging aside, the 40 minutes lying face down listening to classical music (between thumps and bangs) wasn't too bad.  The imaging center staff was pretty nice and tried to be as supportive as possible.  The humiliating XXL disposable pants I got to wear for the procedure were certainly the highlight of that day!  NOT!  Just so you know, these lovelies are cinched in about 18 inches.  I think I might have been able to fit 3 of me in them.

With the diagnostic MRI out of the way, the next thing to do is wait...  some more.   I have an appointment to go back and get the results from Dr. Smith on Jan. 19th.

Wait, read, try to get work done...  wait.  Don't worry because all the facts aren't in yet.  

It's January 19th.  My 1st appointment of the day is with my NEW (and improved) GP.  I LIKE her a lot!!!  She is caring, knowledgable and seems genuinely interested in my getting the best possible care.  She refers me to a local physician who is a breast cancer survivor. This doc's specialty is Complementary and Integrative Medicine and she's the Director of Integrative Oncology and Survivorship.  Sounds like a good fit to me.  We'll see.  I'm starting to feel like I have a "cancer staff".  Seriously though - I'm mostly feeling like I'm developing a support team to get me through this the best way possible, with only the briefest feeling that I'm getting sucked into the "cancer treatment industry".  That last bit is negative, I know.  I am doing my best to stay positive and attract only good things.  

Appointment #2 on Jan. 19 is with Dr. Smith (still his real name).  Dear hubby meets me there to look at the MRI results and discuss the next step.  I'm actually quite relieved that I don't have to wait any longer.  The 3 of us do introductions in a tiny exam room and then go out to a computer to view the MRI results.  The visible mass seems to take up the majority of my left breast.  He reads me the dimensions of the mass from the MRI report.  5.5cm x 7.2cm x 5cm.  WHEW!  it's a doozie, for sure.  I know immediately that I'll be having a full mastectomy.  No one has to tell me that.  It seems quite obvious to me.  Then Dr. Smith says that there are a few "suspicious" looking lymph nodes.  ..........  I start to choke up.  Remember to breathe, deep breaths.   I don't know much, but I do know that lymph node involvement is NOT good news.  Dr. Smith says it is quite possible that the needle biopsy has aggravated the suspicious nodes and they may calm down eventually.  Breathing a little more normally now.  

We go back to the exam room to discuss options.  Dr. Smith is careful in his approach and gently works his way past the lumpectomy option and why that is not what is indicated.  I 'rip off the band-aid' and say "we're looking at a full mastectomy here, yes?"  Yep, that's what is needed, as well as removing 3 'Sentinel Lymph Nodes' so they can be tested while I'm under anesthesia.  Dr. S says the pathology report on the lymph nodes will come back in about 20 minutes - while I'm still under.  Based on those pathology results, they can remove any offending lymph nodes during that surgery.  

My surgery gets scheduled for January 31, 2017.  I do not want a "Boob Voyage" Party.  I read about that.  People actually do that!  huh.       I've mostly come to grips with not having a left boob after the end of January...I think.... sort of.  I mean, they've served their purpose.  I was a cute(ish), perky teen, a moderately attractive person in my 20s & 30s, a radical militant breastfeeder when my kids were babies. My boobs have had a useful life.  Now 'the girls' are drooping a little and one of them is broken.  Time to get rid of broken things and focus on what works.    

I still need to discuss with my surgeon - see how easily I've adapted to this "my surgeon" terminology - anyway, I still need to talk to him and the plastic surgeon that I'm scheduled to see about getting rid of the right side too.  Oddly, my greatest source of anxiety right now is the fear of being lop-sided.  I just don't want to be uneven.  Maybe this is coming from me being a Libra - we NEED balance.  Having a real boob on one side and a fake or reconstructed one on the other side just doesn't sit right with me.  And honestly, I've felt since high school that I was just a little too big.  I think I might enjoy some time being flat.   No more bra shopping!!!   What a relief!    I'm finding the positives.  really.... 

I'll aim to post again after I meet with the plastic surgeon and / or after I call the surgeon's office about a mastectomy on the right side too.  Heck, if I'm already going to be under anesthesia can I get a little tummy tuck too?  I don't think my insurance would cover that.

Let us all hope that that is the LAST time I feel inspired to mention insurance coverage.


Wishing love and light to all! 🌹

Happy New Year .... I HOPE!

Happy New Year!  

no really - 2016 was so full of sorrows and disappointments for so many.  There were many good things that happened during 2016 ~    

• Our dear daughter graduated from high school and started college - she seems very happy there.

• Our dear son got a full time job and seems to like it.  😀

• My one and only seems to have had a very decent year with his bicycling.

• We got a really cool puppy last year (2015) and this year he got to appear in a play.

I'm sure there were plenty of other good things that happened during 2016, but there were plenty of hard hits that weigh heavily on many.

For me, the hardest hit of all came on December 31, 2016.

It was the call from the diagnostic radiologist.

Wait, I'll back up a bit.  Back in September 2016 I noticed that my left nipple started looking like it was ever so slightly receding into my breast. Odd..... I was very careful about performing self breast exams then, but I didn't feel anything unusual.  All of my past mammograms had the results of "dense tissue".  In 30+ years of (fairly) regular mammograms, no one ever told me the following:

Research has shown that dense breasts:

• can be 6 times more likely to develop cancer

• can make it harder for mammograms to detect breast cancer; breast cancers (which look white like breast gland tissue) are easier to see on a mammogram when they're surrounded by fatty tissue (which looks dark).

           [http://www.breastcancer.org/risk/factors/dense_breasts]

As the holidays got closer I began to notice more symptoms, I had days of feeling totally exhausted for no good reason, I developed a mild but lingering headache, occasional nausea, and eventually.... the dreaded lump.

A few days before Thanksgiving I called the breast center where I have been getting mammograms for the past several years.  I was told that because I felt a lump I needed to have a diagnostic mammogram and I couldn't make that appointment myself, my GP had to order it for me.   OK, so I called my primary care office.  

Now, I haven't had a 'regular' doctor in that primary care office for about 3 years now.  I had found that office and an excellent physician about 5 years ago.  We hit it off so well, I LOVED her!  I had never in my 50+ years felt like I was so understood by a physician.  She retired about a year after my first appointment with her.  Following the "perfect physician" I saw 2 replacements and a few "fill ins".  I'm still waiting to meet the next one....

So - back to the call to my primary care office - I called, explained to the phone triage nurse about the lump.  I was told the medical director of that office would order the diagnostic mammogram.  Two days later I was FINALLY called with an appointment for the diagnostic mammogram. 

 They couldn't get me in until December 14th... 😟  

So, I wait... knowing that there is something not right and my squirrel brain starts running all sorts of scenarios.  Not good, not good at all.  I've still not told anyone of my suspicions other than the medical folks I've been speaking with on the phone.  

Dec. 14th - I go in for the mammogram plus ultrasound.  The mammogram technician can feel the lump, the ultrasound technician can feel and SEE the lump.  Both tests are sent to the diagnostic radiologist.  He comes in to see me almost immediately and also has a look with the ultrasound.  He tells me it isn't good news and he wishes he had something better to tell me.   He tells me I need to have a needle biopsy to get more information - nothing is definitive yet.  More tests are needed.

I go to the office's (small) conference room and wait to talk to Ruth.  Ruth will explain what happens next.  My brain is numb.  I look at all the breast cancer pamphlets and the 'how to do a breast self exam' equipment in the room.  I HATE pink!  I have a very strong dislike for those pink ribbons.  Pink has become a color of doom.

Ruth comes in and sits across the table from me.  She is nice, she explains about the core needle biopsy, how it works and how I will probably feel during and after the procedure.  She gives me her cell number and tells me I can call her anytime.  I'm scheduled to have the biopsy on December 29th.  

Christmas happens.  I say nothing to my family about any of this.  I feel exhausted mentally and physically.  I do my best to keep things as "normal" as possible - whatever that is!  I clean my dad's house as best I can while we visit.  I'm so tired, I don't sleep much.  Nothing tastes good.  Merry Christmas.  Still, I'm so very grateful that I could spend time with my family.

The day before the biopsy I have an epiphany.  It occurs to me that I am much stronger with my husband than without him.  I tell him the very short version of what has been going on.  He holds me and is very quiet.

I go in for the biopsy on Dec. 29th.  It hurts just a little, but it is really interesting to watch on the ultrasound screen.  Everyone is as kind and as gentle as they are able to be.   Normally, I would get the results back in 2 days, but this is a holiday weekend.  It could be as many as 5 days.  The diagnostic radiologist tells me he will call me the next evening IF he gets the results back on Friday evening - not likely, but possible. 

Friday comes and goes.  No call.  Saturday is New Year's Eve.  My husband and I have a party to go to that night.  

Mid day Saturday I notice I have a voice mail.  My undependable (now former) phone didn't ring.  I listen to the voice mail.  It's the diagnostic radiologist.  I call him back.  He answers after 1 ring.   .......     


He says "I have some good news and some bad news."    I'm thinking 'OK, just rip off the band-aid.'   He carefully explains that the larger mass is DCIS = ductal carcinoma in situ.  Ductal carcinoma in situ is a condition in which abnormal cells are found in the lining of the ducts but they haven't spread outside the duct. OK, that's not as bad as I thought it would be... maybe.  The "good" news is that the small mass that was biopsied seems to have been a cyst and the biopsy actually drained it.    I feel numb.

The next step is to speak with my 'cancer liaison' at the breast center.  She will get me set up with a surgeon.

So, there it is.  I have cancer.  Me, I'm the 1 in 8.  Well, I guess somebody has to be 'the one'.  

from my friend Scotty:

There are many joys yet to arrive.  2017 awaits.  Move on fearlessly into the next year..... With Love.