no really - 2016 was so full of sorrows and disappointments for so many. There were many good things that happened during 2016 ~
- Our dear daughter graduated from high school and started college - she seems very happy there.
- Our dear son got a full time job and seems to like it. 😀
- My one and only seems to have had a very decent year with his bicycling.
- We got a really cool puppy last year (2015) and this year he got to appear in a play.
I'm sure there were plenty of other good things that happened during 2016, but there were plenty of hard hits that weigh heavily on many.
For me, the hardest hit of all came on December 31, 2016.
It was the call from the diagnostic radiologist.
Wait, I'll back up a bit. Back in September 2016 I noticed that my left nipple started looking like it was ever so slightly receding into my breast. Odd..... I was very careful about performing self breast exams then, but I didn't feel anything unusual. All of my past mammograms had the results of "dense tissue". In 30+ years of (fairly) regular mammograms, no one ever told me the following:
Research has shown that dense breasts:
- can be 6 times more likely to develop cancer
- can make it harder for mammograms to detect breast cancer; breast cancers (which look white like breast gland tissue) are easier to see on a mammogram when they're surrounded by fatty tissue (which looks dark).
[http://www.breastcancer.org/risk/factors/dense_breasts]
As the holidays got closer I began to notice more symptoms, I had days of feeling totally exhausted for no good reason, I developed a mild but lingering headache, occasional nausea, and eventually.... the dreaded lump.
A few days before Thanksgiving I called the breast center where I have been getting mammograms for the past several years. I was told that because I felt a lump I needed to have a diagnostic mammogram and I couldn't make that appointment myself, my GP had to order it for me. OK, so I called my primary care office.
Now, I haven't had a 'regular' doctor in that primary care office for about 3 years now. I had found that office and an excellent physician about 5 years ago. We hit it off so well, I LOVED her! I had never in my 50+ years felt like I was so understood by a physician. She retired about a year after my first appointment with her. Following the "perfect physician" I saw 2 replacements and a few "fill ins". I'm still waiting to meet the next one....
So - back to the call to my primary care office - I called, explained to the phone triage nurse about the lump. I was told the medical director of that office would order the diagnostic mammogram. Two days later I was FINALLY called with an appointment for the diagnostic mammogram.
They couldn't get me in until December 14th... 😟
So, I wait... knowing that there is something not right and my squirrel brain starts running all sorts of scenarios. Not good, not good at all. I've still not told anyone of my suspicions other than the medical folks I've been speaking with on the phone.
Dec. 14th - I go in for the mammogram plus ultrasound. The mammogram technician can feel the lump, the ultrasound technician can feel and SEE the lump. Both tests are sent to the diagnostic radiologist. He comes in to see me almost immediately and also has a look with the ultrasound. He tells me it isn't good news and he wishes he had something better to tell me. He tells me I need to have a needle biopsy to get more information - nothing is definitive yet. More tests are needed.
I go to the office's (small) conference room and wait to talk to Ruth. Ruth will explain what happens next. My brain is numb. I look at all the breast cancer pamphlets and the 'how to do a breast self exam' equipment in the room. I HATE pink! I have a very strong dislike for those pink ribbons. Pink has become a color of doom.
Ruth comes in and sits across the table from me. She is nice, she explains about the core needle biopsy, how it works and how I will probably feel during and after the procedure. She gives me her cell number and tells me I can call her anytime. I'm scheduled to have the biopsy on December 29th.
Christmas happens. I say nothing to my family about any of this. I feel exhausted mentally and physically. I do my best to keep things as "normal" as possible - whatever that is! I clean my dad's house as best I can while we visit. I'm so tired, I don't sleep much. Nothing tastes good. Merry Christmas. Still, I'm so very grateful that I could spend time with my family.
The day before the biopsy I have an epiphany. It occurs to me that I am much stronger with my husband than without him. I tell him the very short version of what has been going on. He holds me and is very quiet.
I go in for the biopsy on Dec. 29th. It hurts just a little, but it is really interesting to watch on the ultrasound screen. Everyone is as kind and as gentle as they are able to be. Normally, I would get the results back in 2 days, but this is a holiday weekend. It could be as many as 5 days. The diagnostic radiologist tells me he will call me the next evening IF he gets the results back on Friday evening - not likely, but possible.
Friday comes and goes. No call. Saturday is New Year's Eve. My husband and I have a party to go to that night.
Mid day Saturday I notice I have a voice mail. My undependable (now former) phone didn't ring. I listen to the voice mail. It's the diagnostic radiologist. I call him back. He answers after 1 ring. .......
He says "I have some good news and some bad news." I'm thinking 'OK, just rip off the band-aid.' He carefully explains that the larger mass is DCIS = ductal carcinoma in situ. Ductal carcinoma in situ is a condition in which abnormal cells are found in the lining of the ducts but they haven't spread outside the duct. OK, that's not as bad as I thought it would be... maybe. The "good" news is that the small mass that was biopsied seems to have been a cyst and the biopsy actually drained it. I feel numb.
So, there it is. I have cancer. Me, I'm the 1 in 8. Well, I guess somebody has to be 'the one'.
from my friend Scotty:
There are many joys yet to arrive. 2017 awaits. Move on fearlessly into the next year..... With Love.
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